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Polar Zone/Fifteen
❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅ In the end everything collides My childhood spat back out the monster that you see — ''Fall Out Boy, My Songs Know What You Did In The Dark'' ---- LUCIFER SHE WILL never trust me again. I wake before the rest of them do, but she's already up. Standing beneath the exit of the burrow, the morning sunlight streaming through the thin crack and catching all the glints of gold in her tabby pelt. She is the picture of serenity. I feel a horrible emotion--hatred? resentment? jealousy?--well inside me as I look at her. I hate her for being so untouchably pure, so far removed from my world of blood. I killed Dawnlight. And Everly is still planning to go to the peak to steal asara for me. Her innocence and belief that doing good is the way to survival goes against everything inside me. It's like having frostbite and touching hot coals; a searing warmth, too bright and intense to ever reach me. I can't let her do it. As soon as Jett wakes up, I'll let him know what's going on. Jett hates me; he'll make sure Everly doesn't risk her life for me. I hope with all my heart that Jett and Everly permanently befriend each other and that she takes him into her heart. Every moment I spend with her feels like something I've stolen, like I've taken a sacred object that I have no right to place my grimy paws on, and I hate it. But I can't distance myself from her alone, not when she's so good at keeping me sane, with that happy laugh and that funny way she tilts her chin when she looks at me. I need a jagged knife to fall between us, severing all ties and leaving us on opposite sides of a chasm; then, I swear to myself, I will walk away from her and never look back. If I truly look inside my own heart, I know that isn't true. I can't walk away. A knife has already fallen: my own murder of Dawnlight. Everly will never trust me again. She will still care, still want me to live, because that's just who she is, but I have broken something--and if there's one thing Greer taught me, it's that some things can never be fixed. Yet I haven't walked away. The chasm has opened, threatening to suck me in to its bloody depths, full of the horror of who I am and every sin I've ever committed... but I am still standing at the precipe, gazing across at the gold-highlighted silhouette of the cat on the other side. "Lucifer?" Everly is looking at me with a curious expression on her face. "Good morning," she murmurs. I nod coolly at her. I muster the emptiest expression I can, hoping that seeing me like this will make her realize that I am truly the last cat worth saving-- No use. "I'm leaving for the peak." "You have to wait till everyone wakes up. We have to discuss it. And then you have to wait till night--it'd be suicide to go in broad daylight." She shoots me a resentful look. "You look weaker. You need the asara now." I manage a small smile. "I'll be fine." Everly gapes at me, her eyes lighting up. "You smiled!" I give her a suspicious look. "I've smiled before, you know." "I know, but like... I made you smile," she says happily. "I was beginning to wonder if it was even possible." I shrug. "I'm just saying. It's not you in particular. Nothing special." "Breakfast club?" Jett says, sitting up and blinking sleep out of his eyes. I look away from Everly's hurt face, over at the disheveled black tom. "Why're you guys up so early? It's like, sunrise." "I'm going out for a hunt," I say, seizing the opportunity to leave Everly alone with Jett. I leap for the den exit. And massively fail. My legs go out from under me, and I crash into the wall, the impact sending bits of dirt and rock raining down. "Lucifer!" yelps Everly in concern. "What are you doing?" Jett exclaims. From my place on the floor, cheek pressed against a sharp piece of rock, I try to answer that question. My head is spinning. Everly's face blurs for a second. I focus on her eyes, the notes of green and blue swimming in their hazel irises, and gradually the lines of the world fall into place again. My body is failing me, I realize. Riverfrost was right: I am going to die. Everly's eyes smolder with an unidentifiable emotion. She turns to Jett. "Wake the others. We need to decide what to do next." I try to call a protest, but the words stick in my throat. I struggle to a sitting position, leaning against the wall for support. My head throbs with pain, but I don't even have the energy to count. "What's wrong with him?" asks Calder. Succinctly as possible, Everly explains to them about the asara. By the time she's done talking, Calder's expression has hardened into stone-cold satisfaction. "So the murderer is dying? I am perfectly fine with that. Let's get out of here and leave him to it." Farrah gives him a look of disbelief. Everly's jaw tightens, and she steps in front of me. I almost laugh at that: she's so tiny that I can still see clearly over her head. "I'm going to the peak to get some more asara for Lucifer," she says. "But the rest of you need to go." "We're not splitting up," Jett says immediately. "We have to. Lucifer will stay here until I return with asara, and then the two of us will catch up to you guys." "Hang on--where will we go?" asks Plover. Looking at Farrah, Everly says, "We've already talked about that. Farrah used to live south of the mountain when she was younger." Calder scowls. "But she came here because disease ruined her home. That place is gone." Wincing, Farrah says, "My home is gone. But that doesn't mean everything between Thorn Mountain and there is gone. Before I reached the mountain, I had to cross a plateau that lay before a river. There were signs of cats on that side of the river. I would've explored farther, but a wolf pack was hunting the shores of the river. I boarded a floe of ice and crossed the river before I could meet the cats who lived on the plateau. Then I kept journeying till I reached Thorn Mountain and met the Guard--but if it hadn't been for those hunting wolves, I might've met and stayed with the cats there." "That's our plan?" asks Sasha incredulously. She flicks her tail uncertainly. "We don't know those cats at all! What if they're worse than Greer? Or what if they're dead and gone? We can't risk it all like that." "We have to, Sasha. We have to cross the river, or it's only a matter of time before Greer mobilizes all the mountain cats to come and attack us--and if she does that, we don't stand a chance," explains Everly gently. "Besides, even if the cats are gone, we can inhabit the plateau. It'll give us a new home. We can't stay here in this crowded little den. The valley isn't safe," says Farrah. "Farrah will lead you all upriver. Downriver ends in rapids; the current will be too strong there. But if you go up the river, you might find a spot where the river has actually frozen over, or at least where there's enough ice to make your way across. Lucifer and I will catch up once he's better," says Everly. Jett is shaking his head. "No. It's too dangerous, Everly. Every single part of it, both you going to the peak alone and us trying to cross the river in the dead of winter." "Better winter than spring, when its full of melted water and faster than ever," counters Everly. "Besides, spring might be too late. And tomorrow might be too late for Lucifer to get asara. We have to do this now, Jett." Despite looking like he couldn't care less if I die or not, Jett keeps his tone reasonable. "There are too many risks." "There's no alternative. We have to accept the risks to keep alive." How could I ever have thought this fire-eyed little she-cat weak? "I'll come with you," Jett offers. "No. Farrah needs your help to guide the others." Everly walks over to him, pressing her shoulder to his as she whispers something in his ear. He still doesn't look content, but he gives her a nod and leans over to lick her ear. "Be careful." "You too. I have to wait till nightfall to head to the peak, but you all should leave immediately." Clearly swallowing back all his protests, Jett turns with an authoritative aura to the others. "She's right. We have to make it upriver and cross by evening." Calder's eyes are full of doubt, but then Farrah says, "I'll lead the way." Calder's eyes clear and he gives her an affirming nod. Everly and I watch as, one by one, the rest of the group clambers out of the burrow. Plover and Eider both embrace Everly before they go, and give me the tiniest of waves. Sasha does the same to Everly, then casts me a slightly less frightened look than usual. The burrow feels hollow and empty all of a sudden. I glance at Everly. "You could go. Catch up with them." "Don't be disgusting." I want to stay awake and use all my energy to persuade her, but already fuzzy clouds are creeping across my field of vision. For once, I don't have the strength to fight something. I stagger against the wall and let myself crumple, succumbing to the exhaustion. I wake up in darkness. A pair of hazel eyes gleam right above me. I let out a yelp of fright, hackles going up, then realize it's Everly. "What's going on?" A familiar scent punctuates the air. Dark purple leaves rustle in her mouth. "I got it." I swear furiously. "How long have I been asleep?" "It made everything easier," she says honestly. "You weren't there to stop me. You couldn't have, anyway, but we would've wasted valuable time arguing." I'm too busy cursing myself out--anything could've happened to her and I wouldn't have realized until it was too late--to notice that she's pushing asara towards me. "Take it, Lucifer. We've got to get out of here." Then I notice the tremble of barely suppressed panic that underlines her words. "What's going on?" I ask suspiciously. She shakes her head. "I won't eat these until you tell me." "Wolves," she whispers, finally. "DiAngelo?" "I think so." I swear again, and begin to nibble on the asara. By themselves, they are foul tasting and bitter, but I can already feel my head beginning to clear. I'm disgusted with myself, with my dependence on this terrible plant. I taste just enough to get the weakness out of my blood, then pull away, terrified of feeling that cold numbness that has been my life for so long. "Carry the rest in your mouth. We've got to go. Now." Everly's eyes are desperate. I know why. If we don't get to the crossing before the wolves cut us off, we're stranded. Trapped between the wolves and Greer. We leap out of the burrow. I am relieved to find that my muscles are working again, though it's scary how fast and powerfully the asara affects me. My instinct tells me to blaze a trail through the snowy ground, but I rein myself back so that Everly can keep up. She's fast, but smaller than me and already tired from her trek up the mountain. I could easily leave her to be wolf food. Once upon a time, I certainly would have. Up on the mountain, the River Thorn is relatively small, nothing but a tributary. But by the time it hits the valley, gravity and a surplus of water has turned it into a charging, roaring, bucking beast. We hear it shouting and then we see it, a mottled snake white with froth and black with midnight waves. Everly changes course so we're running parallel through it. "Follow it up the current," she pants. "Farrah said there should be a narrow point, a part where it's safe to cross..." "A place where it's less reckless and dangerous," I correct. "It's going to be both those things anyway; deal with it," Everly gasps. Far behind us, we hear the wail of a wolf, a tentative cry. Another howl answers it. This one sends fear from my heart into every vein in my body. It's unmistakably DiAngelo's warcry. "We can't outrun a wolf," Everly says. We try anyway, for several minutes. My lungs are burning, but Everly is a thousand times worse off. Her breath is rattling, and the condensation has frozen in a mask over her mouth and whiskers. Her eyes are glazed with pain. All the while, the howls are drawing closer. I realize that we'll be dead before we get to the crossing. "We've got to cross here," I say. She doesn't protest as I make for the bank. I spot a piece of ice clinging to the bank and skid onto it, dragging Everly after me. I drive my claws deep into the ice. The pain is excruciating; I feel like I've ripped my claws off, and the cold grips me like a vise. But I don't let go. DiAngelo appears, a dark blur in the distance. Everly screams in terror and slams her paws into the bank. The ice floe shudders but doesn't break away. She grabs a frozen branch from the bank and uses it to drive us away from the ground. The river does the rest. The current snatches up like a hungry wolf; we hear the howl of another hungry wolf behind us as he watches us make our escape. "Is he going to follow us?" asks Everly. I can't answer; a wave washes over both our heads, threatening to sweep us off the ice floe. We are going more downriver than across the river, and I know that wherever we wash up--if we ever make it out--will be miles off course. Everly is trying to use her branch to steer us, but the waves she's battling are too powerful. I sink my teeth into the scruff of her neck as her paws scrabble on the slick piece of ice that is our lifeboat. An enormous wave curls above us. Our screams echo futiley off its sinister berth as it sweeps us mercilessly in stars-know-what direction. The ice floe flips, hurling us head over heels. I hear a crack as it slams against Everly's head, and something hot and wet spatters my face. Then the world goes black with freezing water, plunging me underneath, washing the last of the asara out of my jaws. I strike for the surface and emerge, gasping and coughing as I bob along the river. Our piece of ice has shattered; remnant shards glisten like bone in the inky water. The wave capsized us, but also carried us as close as we're ever going to be to the other side of the River Thorn. I see something dark and lifeless floating nearby, and seize Everly's pelt. Using all my remaining strength, I drag the both of us onto the unfamiliar shore. I cough water out of my lungs and bend over Everly's body. Blood is plastered all over the fur on her head. Her body is limp, cold and shaking. I glance up at the stars, feverish with fear. "I've never believed in any of this," I whisper. I wonder if her dead family--her parents and siblings--are looking down on us right now. "I don't believe in dead cats hearing us. But if you can see us, if you think you're getting her back and she's going to join you up there... You're wrong." My voice cracks. My snarl fades. "I know I don't deserve any wish granted. I'm a monster. But please, don't let her die."